|
SubscriptionsSites I Read
|
|
|
|
| Oh hello! Testing with BlackBerry. Just as good. Maybe I'll start writing here again. Good night! | | |
| So let's see how updating xanga on my touch is. Not so bad. And now I will save this and try it with my blackberry. | | |
| I just had a really nice weekend with my girls minus one. But she'll be home soon enough. During these times in my life when a lot of things seem uncertain, it's always nice to have their certainty around, even though there's distance here and there, even with plans falling through now and then, I can always count on their support no matter where any of us are.
It's such a lovely thing.
And Amanda is home now too so I am really going to enjoy this holiday season. Good feelings all around!
| | |
| I think I need to reevaluate my standards. Set them too high and more often than not I'll be disappointed. Set them too low and I'll be selling myself short.
I feel as though I'm always trying to do what someone else wants. Trying but doing quite a bad job. What a pushover... *expletive!*
The events that have lead up to where I am now could have been different. I could have done things differently. I even wrote out all my options. I pointed out all the red flags. I played the situation game. I knew what was going to happen. Well, I was pretty darn close anyway. I know myself better than anyone, and yet I let people who think they know me steer my course. And of course the outcomes are less than satisfactory. What did I expect?
I'm so easy manipulated. If you can get me to care about you, you can pretty much get me to do whatever the hell you want if you know how to push me.
Damn my passiveness.
Damn my stupidity.
Damn. It.
| | |
| I am watching Heroes from the start of season I with my mom. Holy hell, I cannot even listen to the menu music without freaking out. And I panic even more whenever I notice that my mom isn't sitting next to me. Good thing I have her to watch with because I definitely cannot watch any of it alone. My heart would probably stall from beating too fast.
Although I did catch the 2nd episode of My Own Worst Enemy by myself. I was quite proud. And the hummingbird doesn't seem very risque at all. That is... if I'm reading the correct description of it. Haha. What an uproar that episode caused. And What a let down because I really thought it was going to be some crazy, sick stunt that only Edward and the like would do.
I had a talk with one of my aunts a couple weeks ago. Actually, it was more of her talking and me listening. She was telling me how she thinks that I should marry a Vietnamese-American (or someone of Vietnamese descent but raised in a western world). And she said that it's what my parents would want as well. Not because they are racist or close-minded, but because they know that would be the best match for me. Because there is something unique about being 2nd generation Vietnamese child, born and raised away from Vietnam. And being able to relate on that unique level can be difficult to find. She said that if I were to end up with someone of a different cultural and ethnic background, there would be a lot of room for us to unconsciously and unintentionally hurt one another. By being (silently) horrified at the volume at which your family converses normally during dinner, or not being able to stomach your most favorite (and equally most pungent) dish that your mom cooks, or zoning out during family conversations because you can't understand anything anyone is saying. It's the subtle things that would make it almost impossible to completely enjoy these core foundations and roots that come with the entire package. And it's nobody's fault. Of course, this is only a sliver of the perfect partner pie. As it is only one person's perspective amongst an ocean of others.
I took a whiff of the bottle of fish sauce I used today to marinate some salmon (I know it seems redundant to marinate fish with... more essence of fish... haha) and that stuff smells RANCID. But I looooove it. My little cousins (this aunt's kids actually) told me that fish sauce is number THREE on the list of nastiest foods. What a shame. It's number three on my list of vital ingredients to put in my kitchen cabinets. Haha.
I think what's most important for me and the people I get along with best is our temperments. I prefer... generally even tempered people. But I think I have a high threshold for putting up with hot tempered personalities (my mom has one of THE hottest tempers I've ever experienced). But when she's not raging, she's usually pretty upbeat. I think that is also important. When facing situations, one usually has options for how to approach it. For example, when failing a test, I can damn the test, damn the teacher, and damn the school for ever even hiring that teacher. And while I'm at it, throw in the cat screaming all night, the book not making any sense and the stomach ache I had from drinking too much milk. Or, I can realize that HEY, I didn't study enough. I better study more next time. And most likely, if I just do that, I'll get different results. Not to say that it's just as simple as that. But with that attitude I believe successes come more often and mishaps don't hit as hard.
Maybe that's just it. Attitude and temperment. Oh, humor too. Those who match with me the most on those three, I tend to have really good relationships with. My sister I think is one of my best matches. And when I think about it really hard, there's only one other that's come pretty close. I think you know who you are. Although I don't think you read this anymore. Haha.
Right now (to break off on another tanget) I feel as though I'm in a phase where I just can't be around other people normally and comfortably. I think it's because there is no structure in my day to day right now. And I don't feel like anything I am doing is of any substance. So when I'm around others, it makes me feel unworthy to be in their presence. Like they are doing something, and I am just doing nothing. I feel suspended. Stalled. It's so uncomfortable. Ugh. PLEASE let January just come NOW!
Okay good night.
| | |
|
